It’s that time of the year when the results for various academic programs are declared. Schools, colleges all announce their best performers in the media. They gather accolades for their excellent teaching and brilliantly planned hard work. In this whole pompous show of success, the students who don’t make it to the next step feel heart broken. The success in our academic warfare is not correlated with just hard work. Many other factors like internal school marks, student’s access to good study material and many more such reasons work for students to survive in our education system.
Parents however are very negligent towards finding out the reason for their child’s performance. They just look at the marks and loose their cool. After a lecture of how much disappointment their child has brought for them, they start the ‘compare game’ to push the child even further into sadness. The fact that parents want the best for their child cannot be debated. They want the best of things to happen to their child but their ways of handling the things which don’t go as planned is just bizarre.
The schools too behave as if they have no concern for the students who have failed. They keep on highlighting the students who ranked the highest but never have I seen a mention of the steps they are planning to counsel those who have failed.
Let’s take a peek into your child’s mind and counsel yourself to be your child’s best support when he fails.
The Life never ends
When a child faces failure, his mind makes him think that there is nothing left for him to do as he was not even able to crack an entrance exam or a 10th or 12th. The most vital thing which the parents need to understand here is that their child has no experience of life as yet. These are his first steps into the real world and he needs his parent’s support and guidance to thrive. If they tell him that a small failure doesn’t mean an end to life, he will listen. The parents are the one who have the power to hold a child’s hand and pull him up when he falls down stricken by failure.
Tell your child that failure is never permanent. It is just temporary and the things will start to change the moment he will decide to change them.
His interests matter
Being brought up in an Indian Society is not the easiest thing to do. Majority of parents don’t even bother to ask their child about his interests and inclinations. He is not given a chance to choose his own subjects and even if he does get the liberty to do so, he gets subjected to thrashing if he ends up disliking it and fails. I wonder how can parents ask their children to do what they think is best for them or even if they ask the child, how could they make him accountable for failure? Has it never happened to the parents that they liked something in the beginning and eventually lost interest.
If a child faces failure, the parents need to ask him if he wants to do what he is doing. If he is doing the thing he loves, the chances of him facing failure are minimal. There are many children who are not at all inclined towards studies. Some want to play video games, some are good dancers, some are creative writers and the list goes on. The key here is to make the child understand that he should concentrate on excelling the thing he loves to do. As for the academics, he can get a basic degree.
The false Log Kya Kahenge notion
The peer pressure on students is one of the major factors for students to dive into depression. The over critical attitude of the parents of a child’s peer group, the thought of his loss of reputation and the fear that he will now be the gossip of the town makes a student feel ashamed of himself. The parents also have a fear that if their child will start pursuing his interest and make his studies secondary, then people will judge their decisions.Well, parents and students both have to understand that the so called people you are so worried about have no care for you. They are just killing their time trying to make gossips. They will talk in both your success and your failure. So how can they be the axis for you to decide anything.
Don’t ‘go compare’
And as for the neighbor’s child getting the ranks, you as parents need to understand that no two children are the same. They are two completely different identities having different interests. So it doesn’t matter if some Sharma ji ka beta scored 99% or a Gupta ji ki beti topped the college. Let your child learn from his own mistakes, not from someone else’s success. The compare game adversely affects a child’s mind and garners a feeling of jealousy in him. So just chuck the ‘See how well others did game’, It’s harmful.
Here are a few things you can do to make it easier for your child to handle failure in a better way:
- Don’t try to rescue your child. Let him face his emotions and let him learn that failure is just as equal a part of life as success.
- Ask him, ” what is the worst that could happen to him?” and let him know that this failure is not the end of life.
- Ask him to take a first good step to move from where he is standing after failure. Tell him that nothing remains the same. The things will change and he needs to learn how to keep moving.
- Don’t give him unrealistic hopes just to make him happy.
- Let your child know that you are there for him in all his successes and failures. You will stand by him no matter what.
- Give him time to settle. let him learn, unlearn and relearn.